Stress and Conflict Resolution
Stress and anger are natural emotions. Experiencing these emotions is a part of
being human and are not necessarily always bad. Sometimes stress can help us
work more quickly and/or efficiently to accomplish something. The text in fact, tells us that “stress
is experienced subjectively as a biochemical reaction within the body because
of the way in which we interpret and respond to external pressures, which may
be positive or negative.” Abigail &
Cahn, 2010, p. 121) Stress and anger are
not always impediments to solving problems.
In fact, a certain amount of stress is necessary and natural in conflict
resolution. This kind of stress referred to by the text as eustress “encourages
us to take more seriously and expend more energy on important activities.” (Abigail & Cahn, 2010, p. 122) An example of this can be seen when we are
experiencing stress during a life-threatening situation for instance. That stress would help our bodies to release
the adrenaline we need to hopefully get ourselves out of harm’s way.
While stress is a natural emotion when responding to
conflict, sometimes how a person reacts to the stress is what makes it
difficult to resolve conflicts constructively.
I have known many individuals who allow the stress they are feeling to
dictate how they react to situations.
Many of those people tend to over react to a stressful situation and
make matters worse allowing their emotions to get the best of them and blow up
at others. Often these are individuals
who, as the text states on page 127, literally take themselves too seriously. (p. 127)
They have a very difficult time resolving conflict effectively because
they take themselves too seriously and don’t know how to be flexible and adapt
to their situation. When this occurs,
rather than resolve a conflict, it can make the matter worse. Rather than resolve conflict and ease stress,
over reacting can cause the person to alienate others and cause resentment and
discontent amongst the group.
Abigail, R. & Cahn, D. (2010). Managing
conflict through communication, (4th ed). Boston: Allyn &
Bacon
conflicts. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
is an incredibly important part of the healing process. It can be equally as important in conflict
resolution as well. I absolutely agree
with the statement made in the question.
Many people see unforgiveness and holding grudges as no big deal, but
what some don’t realize is the affect it can have on the person holding on to
that grudge. When a person harnesses
unforgiveness and bitterness it can have negative affects not only on the
person’s health and well-being but also on their relationships with those
around them. Holding on to
unforgiveness is a root of bitterness.
That bitterness will continue to fester if it is not dealt with in a
constructive way until it causes physical and emotional issues for that
person. Forgiveness should be a goal in
conflict resolution. Forgiveness paves
the way for reconciliation.
Reconciliation, according to the text is when we take actions to restore
a relationship after forgiveness has occurred. (Abigail & Cahn, 2010, p. 177) Forgiveness has to occur first in order for
there to be any reconciliation. Two
people cannot begin to forge a better relationship or a new one if they have
not forgiven eachother for their wrongs.
The relationship would have tension and would not be a true
reconciliation.
Abigail, R. & Cahn, D. (2010). Managing
conflict through communication, (4th ed). Boston: Allyn &
Bacon
Conflict Resolution
Conflict
is a natural part of the world we live in.
As human beings, we experience some sort of conflict almost daily. From the time we are children on the
playground to the time that we are old and can barely walk, we will experience
conflict. Because we are all exposed to
conflict as a part of life, learning how to manage it effectively is a must,
particularly in the professional world. The
use of proper conflict management techniques such as the Stop, Think, Listen
and Communicate or S-TLC technique can help a person properly manage a conflict
to produce positive and satisfying results.
One of the most effective tools for conflict management is proper
communication. Paul Swets, in his book “The
Art of Talking So That People Will Listen: Getting through to Family, Friends,
and Business Associates” makes a
seemingly obvious, but often undervalued point about communication. He states that “Nothing is more essential to
success in any area of your life than the ability to communicate well.” (Swets,
1983, p. 4) He couldn’t be more
right. A lack of proper communication
can significantly complicate the conflict resolution process because neither
party will be able to express their point of view in a constructive
manner. This can lead to
misunderstandings and possibly even an escalation of the original conflict.
The importance of proper and
positive conflict resolution cannot be stressed enough. When conflict is not properly managed it can
leave all the parties involved feeling tense, distrustful and even resentful of
each other. These negative feelings can put
an immense strain on a working relationship and can significantly lower workplace
morale in a professional environment. Conflict
of course is not confined simply to the professional environment. If the statement that everyone will at some
point experience conflict at work is true, then it is especially true of our
personal lives. People often experience
conflict in their personal lives that can create the same sense of resentment,
distrust and tension that are often seen in a working environment when conflict
is dealt with improperly. Conflict in a
personal relationship can also, if not properly dealt with even escalate to the
point of violence as Abigail and Cahn discuss in their text. (Abigail & Cahn, 2010, p. 8)
In order to
know how to manage conflict effectively, it is important to understand why
conflict occurs. Before one can deal
with a conflict, it is important to know why it’s happening so one can know how
to approach it. There are many reasons
why conflict may occur. Dan Wiseman explains in his slideshow “Playing
Nice in the Sandbox”, some of the reasons conflict may arise are disagreements
about values or beliefs, personality differences, people may have incorrect
information, or they may simply be having a bad day. (Wiseman, 2011)
Conflict may also arise from differences in culture, the way a person was
raised, or through differences is work ethic.
Sometimes, conflict can occur simply because people do not know how to
communicate well. Robert Bolton explains
in his book “People Skill: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and
resolve conflicts” how
tragically, people often have a difficult time communicating face to face and
person to person. (Bolton, Ph.D., 1979,
p. 4) Bolton goes on to discuss how communication can affect interpersonal
relationships. He states that because
communication is the lifeblood of a relationship, if open, clear and sensitive
communication takes place, a relationship is nurtured. However, when communication becomes guarded
or hostile, the relationship will falter.
(Bolton, Ph. D., 1979, p. 6) These
statements not only reflect on why conflict occurs, but they also remind us
that conflict has the potential to have positive or negative effects depending
on how the conflict is dealt with and how communication is utilized.
The word
conflict frequently carries negative connotations with it. Whenever most people hear the word conflict,
an image of a productive conversation with a positive outcome does not normally
come to mind. Rather, much of the time
when the word conflict is mentioned, the image of someone fighting or arguing
is visualized. Few people realize up
front that conflict can be both, positive and negative. It is often up to the parties involved how a
conflict will turn out. If conflict is
dealt with in an inappropriate and ineffective way, the results can be
devastating to the relationship of those parties involved. Robert Bolton makes a valid point in his book
when discussing the results of ineffective communication in conflict resolution
as it pertains to interpersonal relationships.
He states that “when communication is blocked, love’s energy turns to
resentment and hostility.” (Bolton, Ph. D., 1979, p. 6) At times, if conflict
is not dealt with properly, alienation, anger and even violence can occur. Conflict is not always negative however. According to the text, conflict can be
constructive and produce productive results when the conflict progresses
through stages until it is solved successfully. (Abigail & Cahn, 2010, p.
24) Many people do not often think about the outcomes of conflicts
since we so often focus only the actual conflict itself. However, if the
outcome produces a win-win situation for all parties involved then this can be
a positive outcome of conflict. It has been resolved, and everybody wins.
When
discussing conflict one may ask themselves, “How can a conflict result in a
positive outcome?” One way to ensure a
positive outcome to conflict is to ensure the proper conflict climate exists to
deal with it. A conflict climate as
defined by Abigail and Cahn’s text is “the psychological atmosphere impacting a
conflict.” (Abigail & Cahn, 2010, p.
103) When a harmful conflict climate exists, it is nearly impossible, if not
totally impossible for the parties involved to arrive at a productive and
positive solution. This harmful conflict climate can be created for a
number of reasons, abuse of power being one of them. A vast majority of employees would agree that
when an abuse of power exists in a professional environment, it can create a
very harmful conflict climate and can significantly deflate morale. An abuse of power can open the door for not
only a harmful conflict climate, but also for unprofessionalism that may result
from it. Abuses of power may also create
a rift amongst employees who feel a loyalty to their overbearing boss and those
who feel a loyalty to the organization. Shari
Lifland discusses this in her article “Ethics
and the Administrative Professional. What would you do?” In the article, Lifland discusses that
employees are often torn between doing what is right for the organization and
doing what the boss tells them. Lifland,
2006) When a boss abuses their authority, it can put a strain on the employees
who want to do the right thing. If
employees feel that there is a harmful conflict climate at their workplace,
they will be less willing to attempt to resolve conflicts productively. As a result, the organization as a whole will
suffer because unresolved conflicts will permeate every area of the
organization, spreading like a cancer throughout and causing strife all the way
to the top. When workers cannot resolve
disputes and conflicts positively, they will be unable to work together as a
team for the overall good of the organization and its goals. On the other side of the spectrum, a
nurturing or positive conflict climate can produce great results for an
organization since employees will know that they have appropriate avenues to
resolve conflicts. They will feel that
their efforts at attempting to resolve conflicts are valid and useful. Finally, they will be well-equipped and
prepared to work together as a team of professionals to achieve the goals laid
out by the company.
Ultimately,
the goal and desired outcome of a conflict is to reach a positive resolution
that works best for everyone involved.
The most important part of the resolution is forgiveness. Forgiveness paves the way for
reconciliation. When a person is able to
forgive, it means they are choosing to let go of the anger and bitterness they
feel towards another person. Forgiveness
will benefit all parties involved in a conflict, especially the one doing the
forgiving. When a person chooses to let
go of the bitterness and resentment that comes with unforgivness, they will
create a positive atmosphere in which to foster true reconciliation. In order to achieve reconciliation in any
situation, forgiveness must occur first.
Without it, two parties cannot hope to achieve reconciliation. Choosing to forgive will also allow the lines
of proper communication to open that are necessary for positive conflict resolution.
Proper
communication, along with forgiveness is the foundation to positive conflict
resolution. Just as forgiveness is
necessary to achieve any resolution, the parties must also be able to achieve
resolution through effective communication.
The S-TLC method described in the text tells us to Stop, Think, Listen,
and Communicate. (Abigail & Cahn,
2010, p. 69) When faced with a conflict, one should first stop and think about
what is going on. They should also try
to think of constructive solutions to the problem at hand. Next, the individual should listen to the
concerns and input of the other party and consider their point of view and
concerns. Finally, they should communicate
their concerns and their input to the other party in order to come to a
positive solution that works for everyone.
Conflicts
are a natural part of life. Everyone who
encounters other people will eventually experience conflict at some point in
their lives so it is important to know how to deal with it effectively. Conflict often has negative connotations
associated with it because most people tend to focus on the problems and the
negativity instead of looking at the conflict as a way to grow. Conflict, however can be a positive
thing. Through the use of proper
communication, understanding and a willingness to forgive can produce positive
results out of many conflicts.
References
Abigail,
R. & Cahn, D. (2010). Managing conflict through communication, (4th
ed). Boston:
Allyn & Bacon
American Management Association, (2012). Ethics and the Administrative Professional.
What Would You Do? Retrieved April 22, 2012 from: http://www.amanet.org/training/articles/Ethics-and-the-Administrative-Professional- What-Would-iYou-Do.aspx
Bolton, PH.D., R., (1979). People Skill: How to
assert yourself, listen to others, and resolveconflicts. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Swets, P.W.. (1983). The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen:
Getting through to Family,
Friends, and Business
Associates. New York, NY: Rockefeller Center.
Wiseman,
D. (2011 May 10). Playing Nice In The Sandbox (Project Phoenix)
Retrieved:
April 12,
2012, from http://www.slideshare.net/moose1947/playing-nice-in-the-sandbox-project-phoenix
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